I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
