Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
