Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
