He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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