Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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