That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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