Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize