I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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