So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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