So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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