thus making me awesome and them whores
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
