tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
