I can text with my tongue
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Randomize
