If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
