Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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