I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
