therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
