no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
