So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
