What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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