I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
