I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize