you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
