so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
