So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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