i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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