maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
