Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
