Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
