Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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