the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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