bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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