I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My life is pants optional.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
