I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
