Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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