He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
