I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
is it fun? or sober?
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