did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize