Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
