which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
