My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
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