You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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