I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
