I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
