people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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