Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i've created a new STD.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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