4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
