You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
