the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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