My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
where does the pee come out of this thing
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
