Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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