we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
