i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
