did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize