is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
