Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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