The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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