OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
