Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
