I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
