Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
