Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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