We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Every concussion has its silver lining
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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