WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
